Your wedding vows are both the heart of your wedding ceremony and the foundation of your marriage. The best wedding vows are sweeping and fairly general formal statements. Each couple must choose their words and agree upon their meaning. Before you craft those vows, do some serious marriage planning. Determine how you and your partner will best balance your personal needs and your relationship realities in each of the ways in which you are intimate.
What does that mean for your emotional integrity and how do you want to structure your wedding vows and your marriage for the ultimate in emotional security for each of you?
- Do you tend to need a lot of emotional support?
- Are your needs very different from your partner's?
- How are you used to solving your emotional problems? Are you a person who retreats to your corner to repair your heart or are you one who picks up your phone or heads to your friend's house for a little tlc and input? Or, do you call your shrink and make an appointment?
- Has that changed over time? Have you found increasingly effective ways to cope with your emotional needs?
- Aside from your partner, who are the people from whom you get consistent and specific support?
- Do you feel guilty if you get support from someone other than your partner?
- Does it bother your partner if you get support from someone else?
- Does it bother you if your partner gets emotional support from someone else?
You and your partner can get better about responding to one another's emotional needs, and will get better over time, if you work at it. As you learn more about trusting your partner to be responsive to your needs or simply to be present when you're having problems, your sense of security will continue to grow.
Write down your answers to these questions and include them in your Marriage Planning Book. Keep track of the way your trust and security grows. If one or the both of you are having issues, get yourself some counseling immediately. Most of these problems have solutions that can be easily learned. Repeating the same process or not looking for outside help can cause untold problems. There is no reason to sacrifice your marriage because you're not learning the lessons you need to learn. For your emotional need, consider using something like the following sentences in your wedding vows: I will hold your heart as precious as my own, caring for you tenderly and being present to you the best of my ability. "Offer such a promise at your wedding ceremony. And then keep it and have a happy marriage.