The older I get, the more I look up to my mother. How did she do it? She had a husband, two daughters, and two jobs. She kept our house clean, made sure we had three meals a day, kept her weight down, and was a manager at one of her jobs. And, throughout my childhood, I never noticed if she was stressed. Now me, on the other hand, sometimes between my two sons and housework and running my online business I feel as if I’m drowning with no life preserver in site. (Can’t somebody please throw me a rope?!) But I keep treading water, wondering if it’ll ever get any easier. (What am I doing wrong here?)
Women these days are expected to do everything. There once was a time when men went to work and women stayed home and maintained the home and children, every now and then throwing dinner parties and playing the perfect hostess to guests. Now, we are expected to have a job and do all I just mentioned. How is this possible? Are there even enough hours in the day? When do we sleep? And unless we have spent our whole childhood preparing to be a mother and a wife, (I wanted to be a rock singer. I had all the moves down pat by age nine.) How do we not lose ourselves in the process?
I believe the secret is to slow down. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect (even if you believe your mother did it that way). Don’t stress over the little things. I mean, what would really happen if you can’t cook the perfect turkey for Thanksgiving? Would all of your friends and family leave? Will your husband hate you? If they do, let them walk. You’d rather order take-out from that nice little French restaurant downtown. (Who really likes turkey?) And, if he hates you? You don’t need that a-hole anyway. You deserve better than that… But, most likely, they will stay because they’re your friends and they adore you. And, he will love you anyway. There’s a reason you married him in the first place. So, stop trying to be perfect.
And, we can’t forget to spend some time doing the things we love. For some of you, it may be baking cupcakes for all of your child’s classmates. For me, it’s a good book, bubble bath, and a glass of wine. We can’t forget to treat ourselves right. Remember? We used to be people, before we became wives and mothers.
I say these things jokingly, to get my point across that we should not forget ourselves in the daily scheme of things. Those pair of earrings that he didn’t buy, even after all the hints you sent all of December? Buy them for yourself. You deserve it. (And sometimes, men are just oblivious. God love ’em.)
And, I think one of the best things to remember, while your are trying to figure out this whole “family” thing, is to not forget your girlfriends. We women on this earth have a special bond. No one else truly understands us, better than another woman. We are not the enemy. We are forever sisters, humans. Lean on each other. When we learn to truly love ourselves, we will be able to truly love the others in our lives. Good luck, and many blessings to all of you.